The struggle of finding friends as a Mom

 Does Anyone Else Struggle with This? 

I’ve always felt a little out of sync with people my age. I often seem to be walking a different path than most of people my age. Whether it’s been because of my unique life choices or just the natural course of things, it’s always been a little challenging to find people who truly get me. I’ve had friends in the past, sure, but lately, it feels harder than ever, especially since getting married, moving to a new town, and becoming a mom.

For context, I live in a college town where nearly everyone my age is either in class during the day or partying at night—while I'm already tucked into bed, trying to get some sleep before the next chaotic day. It’s like we’re living in two totally different worlds. 

 Suddenly, the gaps between me and others seem wider, and the struggles feel even more amplified.

Becoming a parent brings a whole new set of challenges, and while I’ve found people in my life who are supportive, it’s hard to connect with someone who truly understands what it’s like to juggle motherhood, career, and everything in between—especially when those around me are either still living the carefree college life or much older than me. And when you finally do find someone who might relate—someone who's a bit older or more experienced—they often don’t see you as a peer. That adds to the sense of isolation.

I’ve been doing my best to reach out at work, at church, and through other places, but it’s always the same—people are friendly, but there’s no real follow-up. I’ll get a text or a quick chat at a social event, but then it’s like nothing ever comes of it. There’s no one asking, “Hey, want to grab lunch?” or “Let’s take the kids to the park!” It’s frustrating. And maybe it’s just me being overly critical, but I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something.

I mean, I have a few people I can talk to and check in with, but the kind of friendship I’m craving is different. I want someone who doesn’t just pop in and out of my life. I want someone who’s up for a spontaneous lunch, a quick coffee, or a day at the zoo with the kids—just a simple, no-strings-attached connection that feels easy and natural. I can be a fun person, I promise. I’m not asking for much, just a friend who understands what it’s like to have little ones in tow and the struggle of trying to balance everything.

The problem is, finding those kinds of friendships isn’t as simple as it sounds, and it’s even harder when you’re in a phase of life that not everyone can relate to. Like, sure, I could call my mom, but she’s two states away, so it’s not like I can just pop over for a quick lunch or a playdate. So I’m left with this longing for something more local and personal—someone who gets it without needing to be “on-call” for emotional support all the time.

Why is it so hard to make friends as a mom?

I think the biggest challenge is the fact that motherhood isolates you in a way that’s hard to explain unless you’re actually in it. Before kids, it was easier to find common ground with peers. You could go out, enjoy spontaneous plans, and chat about whatever was on your mind. But once you have children, your world shifts. The routines, the demands, and the constant balancing act make it hard to find the time (or energy) to nurture new friendships. And even if you do meet someone, the connection might not be there because they’re either in a completely different life stage or they have different priorities.

Proverbs 27:17

17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.